Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
