Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
