what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
