you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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