I faked an abortion last night.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
