oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
