How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
