you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
