Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
