I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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