If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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