You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
