Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
