It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
