Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
