the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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