A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
ok first of all what the fuck
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
