I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
