farters have to be the big spoon...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
