You're a womanizer and a bitch.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
