btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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