WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
