somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
