I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
