1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
