Tell her she can't have a vagina
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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