I feel like I'm in dance class right now
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
