My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
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