hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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