ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
