I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
