took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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