Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
