Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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