I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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