so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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