we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
