if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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