it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
