I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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