i just sent this text using only my big toe
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
it's like heaven, but drunker
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
