i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My ass is underappreciated
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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