I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
