i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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