you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
