she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
