Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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