I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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