I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
