we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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