i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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