i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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