Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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