My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
