Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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