I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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