WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
