you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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