i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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