You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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