There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
