a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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