Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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