Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.

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(734): Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work. http://tfl.nu/ms2h

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(217): View more from Illinois

i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.

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(217): i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet. http://tfl.nu/nuvu

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

birth control should be required to get into college

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(413): birth control should be required to get into college http://tfl.nu/91c5

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?

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(270): I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea? http://tfl.nu/h6xa

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

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(919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9

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(619): View more from California

I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.

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(619): I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas. http://tfl.nu/5tys

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(201): View more from New Jersey

He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him

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(201): He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him http://tfl.nu/dx9z

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(703): View more from Virginia

high in an attic. pig roast in 10.

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(703): high in an attic. pig roast in 10. http://tfl.nu/5v0b

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(212): View more from New York

Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.

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(212): Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom. http://tfl.nu/fuov

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.

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(701): He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon. http://tfl.nu/hvqj

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.

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(803): I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by. http://tfl.nu/6l9f

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(847): View more from Illinois

First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk

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(847): First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/kqu6

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(703): View more from Virginia

I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.

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(703): I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful. http://tfl.nu/9vwb

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(941): View more from Florida

He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.

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(941): He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud. http://tfl.nu/s98m

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(563): View more from Iowa

I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.

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(563): I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/yvop

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