Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
