i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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