she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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