No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
