FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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