You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
