Do you still have your period?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
