forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
