I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
