are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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