Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
