The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
