I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
