Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
