he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm both gender and math confused
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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