dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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