how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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