is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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