i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
