I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
