I wish I could punch you in the face.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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