i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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