final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just had sex on a roof
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
