So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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