We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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