I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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