I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Drake has all the answers
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
